Living with a partner who has dementia.

[kamyonsofor]

My wife has several illness,ailments, one is dementia ,this was confirmed by a Doctor on a home visit where she had to to certain mental tests, draw a clock 12 3 6 9 my wife did it in reverse 12 9 6 3, then she was told MR. so and so lives at this address so after a few more tests she was asked where does MR so and so live,my wifes answer , we went round there but he'd moved, the Doctor could not stop laughing, we then found out by trial and error one of her medications she been on for 8 years prescribed by the GP, she should have been on for 2 years after seeing a consultant had a big effect with her dementia the pill was stopped and another prescribed ,this made her ill so after a fortnight we stopped it and her mental issues decreased and as weeks went by she is 99% better answer the phone makes a cup of tea her writing is legible, the problem now she has adopted what I call "Magpying" picking up my items and hiding them, I recently bought a bore sight to replace a lost one , then it disappeared , today amongst her papers and letters on the settee ,"look what I've found" both my bore sights have turned up, she has no recollection of picking them up but knew what they were, I am happy to live with this compared to her how she was 6 months ago.

 

[VSS]

I feel for you.
I lost a good friend to dementia a year ago.
I know I could not cope with what you will have to deal with over the coming years. I honestly don't know what I would do.
God give you the strength you need. You have my best wishes, and my admiration.

 

[Liveonce]

Dementia is a cruel illness, my ninety plus father has it, he can remember his days in the RAF but not what he did yesterday some days he struggles to remember who I or other family members are. We are told it will only continue to get worst.

 

[MAH]

big effect with her dementia

Hi. It's a tricky situation, hope you're managing OK.
What was the medication?

I'm at my mum's just now, she's been taking a butch of pills through February.

We were last here just before Christmas, when she was fine for 92
Now she showing incressed signs of dementia.
I'm tempted to think the pills are exaggerating the condition.

M

 

[kamyonsofor]

Thanks for all your comments, the Medication was called Solinfenacin it was to help my wife control her water works as she was up 5-6 times a night , there was no problem during the day just when she was relaxed in bed, one GP at the practice wanted to know on what authority I had stopped the med, my answer was mine as you people are not overly concerned .We have been wed 54 yrs get no help at present do not need any when we did , we experienced as seen on Tv programmes carers that were thieving and not up to the job , putting under cold showers, giving her sandwiches as 1 hr was not sufficient to do a ping and ding meal and we were paying for this as our 2 state pensions take us over a threshold, one episode my wife was ill I had called the Doctor and a carer turned up I told her the situation I did not need her as a Doctor was coming so she said what should I do so I said jog off, then evening she turns up I again told her wife still in bed she said she was in bed this morning she is in bed now she is a cry baby ,I asked to repeat what she said our door open out and she was by the door so I swung the door as hard as I could and put her on her rz shut the door , 5 mins later the care company are on the phone trying to apologise so I ended the contract there and then. I am not romancing we have had it all, my favourite words "there's the door while you can walk out do so and cough off".Some ask why the cctv my answer to stop you thieving baskets.I tar them all with the same brush no exceptions.

 

[VSS]

Thanks for all your comments, the Medication was called Solinfenacin it was to help my wife control her water works as she was up 5-6 times a night , there was no problem during the day just when she was relaxed in bed, one GP at the practice wanted to know on what authority I had stopped the med, my answer was mine as you people are not overly concerned .We have been wed 54 yrs get no help at present do not need any when we did , we experienced as seen on Tv programmes carers that were thieving and not up to the job , putting under cold showers, giving her sandwiches as 1 hr was not sufficient to do a ping and ding meal and we were paying for this as our 2 state pensions take us over a threshold, one episode my wife was ill I had called the Doctor and a carer turned up I told her the situation I did not need her as a Doctor was coming so she said what should I do so I said jog off, then evening she turns up I again told her wife still in bed she said she was in bed this morning she is in bed now she is a cry baby ,I asked to repeat what she said our door open out and she was by the door so I swung the door as hard as I could and put her on her rz shut the door , 5 mins later the care company are on the phone trying to apologise so I ended the contract there and then. I am not romancing we have had it all, my favourite words "there's the door while you can walk out do so and cough off".Some ask why the cctv my answer to stop you thieving baskets.I tar them all with the same brush no exceptions.

Such a shame that you've experienced such behaviour. My friend's carers were outstanding. Couldn't fault them in any way. Without them, she'd have had no dignity at the end of her life.

 

[Long drag]

Life is cruel, all you can do is Soldier on.

 

[Cottis]

I helped my Nan get the care she needed in the last few years of her life. It was so frightening for her and was described to me using the bookcase analogy of the top shelf having the most recent memories and oldest at the bottom. As the bookcase was shaken, the most recent short term stuff at the top toppled off, while the oldest knowledge stayed put at the bottom.

It was exactly like that. She would always recognise me, call me by name and ask how my mum was. Mum had died a couple of years earlier, so this would be explained and she would look at me with sorrow and say "oh, that's sad, you poor thing" Then 5 minutes later she would ask the same question.

The main thing was maintaining her dignity and making sure she had as many long term memories around her which helped hugely. There did come a time where she needed professional help and that was fine but it sounds like you love your wife to bits and its awesome that you are there for her. All those long term memories formed around your 50+yrs of being together must give her great support and happiness, even if it might not always be shown.

Fair play to you and all the best for the future. Don't be afraid to take help when you think it is necessary. Remember you will suffer together, so make things easy for both of you. All the best.

 

[eldon]

I really do feel for you and wish you all the best.

My recent exposure to dementia of the MiL after the death of my FiL can only be described as wow I didn't realise it was this bad.
He should have asked for assistance but pride and appreciation of the past made him hang on stoically until the end.
Don't do it!
Ask for help and respite when you need it

 

[kamyonsofor]

Thanks again for your replies , we do plod on each day and keep doing the lottery.

 

[rafael fach]

I feel your pain my father looked after my mother at home as her sole carer with dementia it took 17 years before her body finally gave in
Its a terrible thing to wish your own mother would die but then she left as my mother several years earlier
I have nothing but admiration for my father for the way he dedicated his life to look after my mother I think most people would have given in and put her in a home
Although unable to get around without sticks and an electric scooter he has been giving talks on behalf of the alzheimers society since before she passed
The one thing that he swears kept her better for longer was routine and not giving in
To give it a little perspective my mother's sister went down with dementia and her husband put her in to a care home for which I don't condone him but she survived for 2 years
There will be times of violence but you must remember it's not the person it's the illness
I wish you good luck and please take all the help you can get

 

[Tagoat]

My heart truly goes out to you. Difficult as it is & will become ever more so, try to stay strong. Be gentle with yourself too.

 

[sikastag270]

have had ms for 26 years , i am a carer for my wife who has had alzeimers for 6 years. it certainly aint easy.

 

[zambezi]

My gran died with dementia. It made a big impression on me as a kid. I could not understand why she was sometimes undressing in the lounge, or why she became so unaware she was being incontinent, or why she sometimes took to shouting at us for no reason, etc.

More recently, a member of my church has declared they have incipient dementia and some days are better than others. My FIL has also started having [sometimes profound] short-term memory issues.

I have huge admiration for those who shoulder the burden that comes with caring for a loved one in the throes of decline, physical or mental. But am particularly moved by the emotional stress of dementia. My heart goes out to all so affected.

 

[paul o']

Do hope your getting all the right help including in the home this must include living aids for the needs . Its not nice to see your love one like this and some days your need to just get away ! please do this ! and at some point you may have to let her be on 24 7 live in aid .
All the help is out there to those that shout out for it please also do this aswell.
A lot of what I see is this and I hold love ones that have the strength to carry this upon there shoulders in the highest order.