Naughty thoughts

[noncomplianz]

Driving back home today on the m6, traffic was nasty. I happened to have a Roe head in a bag sitting on the floor next to me.
in stopnstart traffic I saw a kid throw some rubbish out of his window and was sorely tempted to offload the head back his way by way of reply.
The thought made me chuckle, but I wanted the head.

Anyone else get inappropriate thoughts?

 

[Apthorpe]

Driving back home today on the m6, traffic was nasty. I happened to have a Roe head in a bag sitting on the floor next to me.
in stopnstart traffic I saw a kid throw some rubbish out of his window and was sorely tempted to offload the head back his way by way of reply.
The thought made me chuckle, but I wanted the head.

Anyone else get inappropriate thoughts?

Next time, keep the gralloch in a bag for such moments.

 

[deerstalker.308]

Next time, keep the gralloch in a bag for such moments.

Probably easier to retain the nuts than the whole gralloch plus added comedy value too

 

[Tim.243]

Driving back home today on the m6, traffic was nasty. I happened to have a Roe head in a bag sitting on the floor next to me.
in stopnstart traffic I saw a kid throw some rubbish out of his window and was sorely tempted to offload the head back his way by way of reply.
The thought made me chuckle, but I wanted the head.

Anyone else get inappropriate thoughts?

Where was the rest of the roe...in the boot?

 

[User00047]

I was driving home from work one day and got stuck behind some builders in a transit van that had been blocked by an enormous brand new shiny motorhome coming from the opposite direction on a tight lane. After much angry shuffling from all parties, the builders and myself reversed back into a gateway to let the motorhome pass. When the motorhome people drew level with the builders, their window went down and the driver started shouting at the builders, who retaliated by launching through the window and into the motorhome, about a litre of what appeared to be McDonald’s strawberry milkshake, a bunch of half eaten burgers and fries and whatever crap was in their cab at the time
Hilarious

 

[Robinson]

Years ago, I was living in another part of town and had a neighbor dog crapping on my lawn and driveway nearly every day. It was roaming loose and I got displeased by this to put it mildly. And I told the owner, a single woman living a couple of blocks from me, that I wanted this to stop. Nothing changed , so one evening I went out with a shovel and a big plastic bag and collected all the dog sh** I could see, also what I found out in the street. It turned out to be quite a lot. I knew this woman didn't work, I did, and decided that I would donate all this dog crap to her the next morning before I drove to work. I started working a seven in the morning and needed 30 minutes to drive to my job, so I leaned on her doorbell at about 0610 in the morning and had to do it for quite a while before she came to the door in her underwear, covering herself with a duvet. I handed her the bag, telling her it belonged to her, and said I ´ll be back next morning with more if needed. Her dog stopped roaming and I later heard that a sister of her had adopted that dog. Problem solved.

 

[Stumpy2]

One Sunday afternoon I drove into our village to find around two carrier bags of litter strewn along 100m of grass verge. I was so perturbed that I went back with a bag and picked it all up. In amongst the sandwiches, pop cans and crisp packets was a delivery receipt for a building firm from out of town, so the two bags were packaged up into a box and posted to the building firms office with a note to tell them that they appeared to have lost something and that they could have it back…

It was worth the postage

 

[Heym SR20]

I was working on a farm at Tangly in Hampshire - summer student job. We were taking the cows down the road when in his brand new Jaguar came upon us and started getting a little irrate - oh retched farmers will you just the bloody cows out of the way what !

We had a lovely old cow at the back - with a very sassy walk and udders swinging this way and that. I stepped to one side, she winked and sent a steamy stream of slurry straight over his bonnet and windscreen. She just sashayed on, whilst the Jaguar driver went bright red and steam pressure rose to exploding!!


On a previous farm I worked on we kept getting fly tipped. Looking through a bundle we found lots of letters and other waste from a pub on the edge of Oxford. The Lord asked me to go and hitch the big four wheel drive 7910 to the waist trailer from potatoes riddling line. It had been standing half full of wrotten potatoes stinking with potatoe flies - it was the end of july. We loaded up the pubs litter - old beer glasses, beer matts, cooking waste and broken old furniture.

Follow me instructed the lord as he jumped into old VW golf pickup. The pub was in a very insalubrious part of town. I reversed the tractor and trailer into the pub carpark. It didn’t take long before there was a crowd watching including local constabulary. The Lord directed me to a point in the car park that would cause maximum misery, he opened the trailer gate, signalled for me to raise the trailer and pull forward and stamp on brakes to shake everything out.

The police came forward aand thanked the Lord and myself for our civic minded duties in returning the publicans property and providing some additions to fir his sunday roast offering ( 3 tonnes of wrotten stinking slimy fly ridden spuds), and bid us on our way.

 

[Ratel]

I watched a bloke throwing a boot load of rubbish into a ditch so when he got back in his car I pulled the landrover across his bonnet so he couldn't get out of the gateway. Out he jumped to remonstrate. I asked him to get his rubbish out of the ditch full of water, he refused, so I simply said "Then follow it" and chucked him in the ditch with it. I did go straight to our local Bobby and tell him, just in case. He laughed his socks off and just said " I await any report of this from him with pleasure". Proper Copper was Mr Smith.

 

[Camelfarm]

My father watched a very tweedy lady empty the ashtray of her car into one of our fields. He blocked her car in with his Land-rover and refused to budge until she had picked up every last dogend and sweet wrapper.

She ticked and whined for about 15 minutes before realising that he wasn't going to go away.

The gateway was as poached as anything and her expensive clothes were wrecked by the time she'd finished.