Worst thing your dog's ever done?

[tikka_madras]

Last night mine pinched my dinner off the kitchen worktop before I could cook it. Got me thinking about what the worst things she's ever done was and whether anyone has any similar war stories for our amusement.

My girl's worst event was when she went missing for a few hours one night. I wandered all over the village shouting for her, before spotting her in the pub car park. She must have been ignoring me, because she was in earshot the whole time. She looked suspiciously fat but she's a lab so I thought she was probably in the bins or something and frogmarched her home. Took her for a walk at the end of the night as usual and nothing happened.

Next morning...scene from a disaster movie. She had exploded with diarrhea in the night. An absolutely enormous quantity of ****ty oil was covering the flagstones of three rooms and the new limestone floor in the kitchen. It took about two hours of mopping a deep scrubbing the porous stone to clean it all up on hands and knees, trying not to retch the whole time.

When I got to the pub to see if I could spot what she'd been up to, there was a huge open vat of used chip oil out the back. She'd been sitting there for hours drinking her fill until she was the size of a baconer. I missed it in the dark, or I'd have left her in the garden overnight!

 

[Woodsmoke]

Oh, my god!!!

My old Labrador Ben disappeared during a shoot lunch once. I was all round the farm buildings calling for him until he was discovered fast asleep in a Labrador-sized hole he'd eaten in pile of sheep nuts. Little bugger was in disgrace and spent the rest of the day in the back of the car. Where he ate my boots

 

[arron]

Once has a lurcher pup who thought my new swarovski binoculars where a Chew toy , my fault I suppose for leaving them out !

 

[neillfrbs]

chewed one of my boys football boots up £90.00 he only had them a fews days ,took it off the work bench went out into garden and chewed the back off .he was not happy.lol

 

[weeman]

Teckel 1 chewed carpet in which I replaced with hard wood flooring.
Teckel 2 culled last year's welsummer chicken hatchings approx cost £600
Teckel 3 farts stink.

Still bloody love them.

 

[timbrayford]

When I was walking my spaniels along a local beach one of them stole all the sausages off an unattended BBQ, I was still within earshot when the group of lads returned from their swim and blamed each other for scoffing them!

 

[willie_gunn]

We headed up to Scotland for our annual trip.

Stopping at a B&B we left the dogs, as we normally do, in the car overnight.

On coming down to the car the next morning I got into the drivers seat and noticed a small patch of DPM material on the floor. Thinking nothing of it we drove on. At the end of the day I got out and, because it was raining, put on my Gore-Tex outer shell, only to find that it no longer resembled a shell so much as a paper doily!

As you can probably guess, my lab had smelt the dog biscuit I had inadvertently left in the pocket and found his way to it by eating the coat from the outside in.

My own stupid fault, but that didn't stop him looking guilty.

 

[willyroe]

Top of a munro, chap got there before us, he is sat resting, enjoying the view and about to have his well deserved lunch.

We said hello and our friendly lab was pottering. Having got a wiff of ham and cheddar (no mustard) she then walked up behind him and scoffed his sandwiches in one go. So embarrassing.

 

[slider]

My lab is usually well behaved and never steals food, but last Christmas be sorted a whole dish of dauphinoise potatoes - think he likes garlic......

 

[SimpleSimon]

My teckel of one careful previous owner once launched himself into the wife's lap and grabbed the opposite side of a barbecued steak sandwich which she was just taking a bite out of. Totally hilarious to watch. This wasnt long at all after I'd brought him home, so he clearly wasn't experiencing any problems settling in.
Same dog at local small country fair stuck his head through the fence at the petting zoo and nibbled a goat's arse. Not enough to draw blood, but enough to make it jump and prompt us to move along quickly!

My GWP/Lab bitch at around 5 months old once ate as much freshly baked chocolate cake as she could reach from the kitchen worktop whilst standing on her back legs.
Chewed a hole through a jumper I was still wearing when she was a pup, when I fell asleep on the sofa. Woke up with a wet patch of exposed skin on my stomach

 

[User00001]

My last Lab, many years ago, only ever chewed four things: a guests £200 rifle slip which I had to pay for (earning £140 a week as an Understalker at the time), the wiring loom in the landrover, a guests stalking stick (to complete destruction) which apparently had huge sentimental value and, finally, the entire stock on my first ever new rifle!

My first GSP ate a very important guests first roe trophy and numerous packed lunches.

 

[Salvo]

Prepared all my veg and a nice sauce for a prime piece of fallow that was defrosting in the pantry. When I went to cook same discovered that good ole springer had got there before me and helped himself. The air was quite blue and said dog had a swift toe in the arse! We had a veggie dinner that evening. Still love him though.

 

[long_range_rob]

My last Lab ate my wife's purse with cards, driving license, etc.
My current Lab ate her glasses.

She still loves them to bits, thank god!

 

[Essexsussex]

Potty training my two year old lad at the moment. He was caught short in the garden. I ran in with soiled clothes and came back to clear up the mess with a poo bag. Gone, poodle/Springer licking its lips. Twice now. So unspeakably gross! I suppose it could have been worse, could have been the other way around!

 

[Co1]

Old GSP ate all sorts, potatoes, veg etc. Managed to open the fridge one day and eat a block of butter. Also had the uncanny ability to eat a banana but leave the skin!!
Best one was when my brother brought a girl home one night and while in bed the dog ate her shoes!

 

[Woodsmoke]

There're some great ones in this thread!

OH's whippet is a dreadful thief. We were at Bolton Abbey once and he made a beeline for a group of children. One wee lassie had a cookie in her hand and he was like a cruising shark trying to thieve it from her Luckily, everyone but us found it hilarious!

On another occasion, we had the dogs at the beach and like a missile he headed straight for a family with young kids. We thought he'd spotted food, but no . . . . .keeping eye contact with the mother, he then proceeded to take a massive dump about three feet from them. Oh was crimson and kept fumbling picking it up while offering profuse apologies. Me? I was rolling about on the sand a safe fifty yards away

 

[tikka_madras]

Also had the uncanny ability to eat a banana but leave the skin!!

Mine was never that sophisticated. You know those cheap joints of beef covered with a sort of red plastic netting? She once ate one of those whole and a day or so later produced a turd wrapped in the red netting. Hell, she's eaten both a quite surprisingly large stick and a small lightbulb and both came out unharmed.

I think her second worst event, though, was on the way back from a shoot. Me in full shooting regalia, wife (who'd been picking up) driving and dressed like something out of the Really Wild catalogue as it had been quite a smart day. I heard a noise and turned to make eye contact with the dog looking at me in some discomfort from the boot. "That dog needs a ****", says I. "I'll stop as soon as we get out of town" says the wife. Two minutes later the dog suddenly leaps into the back seat from the boot. I turn to have a shout at her when the smell hits me. She's exploded in the boot and jumped out to get away from it. We had to pull in to an Aldi car park to survey the damage, which to be fair wasn't too bad all things considered, but my gun in its leather slip and some kit has been sprayed. I stand by the open boot of the Rangy while the wife nips in to buy a load of wetwipes. By the time she gets back all the tracksuited denizens of Aldi have come to have a look at the man dressed like something in Downton Abbey with an excrement-filled Range Rover, and watch while we wipe things down offering useful pearls of wisdom like "is that a gun?" and "is it fancy dress today?". It felt a bit like a zombie movie and we hightailed it out of there asap to finish the job at home.

 

[SimpleSimon]

These are great. I'm so glad none of my dog stories revolve around explosive poo mayhem!

Another one from my teckel. Took him down the river Severn at a spot not far away for a swim. Threw a retrieve in for him and watched him charge in, big splash and lots of gusto. He turned and made the swim back with his favourite furry dummy and made the bank about 15 yards downstream where the current had taken him.
He decided instead of swimming back up the shallows to me, to bugger off into a hollow under some tree roots on a near vertical section of bank and start trying to eat the dummy.
After 20 minutes of calling him, threatening him and waiting patiently I realised my only chance of ending this on my own terms was to wade in and get him. The river was inevitably much higher than my wellies, which took several days to dry completely.
I can still picture the expression on the face of an old boy who was walking by as I returned from the water soaked almost to my waist with a squirming wet dog under one arm...

 

[Woodsmoke]

Took him down the river

That brings to mind another Purdey story. We were recently down in the Lakes and she'd jumped into Coniston Water to cool off. As she was standing up to her neck in the water a couple of kids with their mum were 'Oooh and Ahh-ing' at how cute she looked. Only the bubbles at her arse end gave lie to the butter-wouldn't-melt look on her face

 

[Dorsettaff]

My Dad's first spaniel.....Sasha....lovely dog, typical bonkers half trained springer but would run thro a wall for you!

Wildfowling on the Cleddau estuary .....flight came over at dusk...Dad gave it a left and a right.....mallard came tumbling down in the muddy murky waters.....Dog went out...galloped across the grey cloying mud, dived into the ebbing river...swam out....grabbed the duck in his mouth ....swam strongly back.......Dad & I sat in the reeds waiting for Sasha to bring us the prize....waited....waited....waited some more...No sign of dog or duck.......pushed my way through the reeds to the rivers edge to find dog and what remained of the duck. Sasha had decided it was very kind of Dad to provide him with an early supper and as he had taken the effort to retrieve it, rather than wait til he got home to be fed, a plate of raw duck would fit the bill perfectly. Still remember the look on Sasha's face say "What??????" and on Dads face " WHHHHHHHHHHHHHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!"