A little ditty I left for a mate who asked to borrow my larder, but whom I had not seen ‘at work’ in one before:
Some words to the Successful Hunter
(Please leave in the larder)
Congratulations on your kill! – I trust ye’ve ‘gralloch’d’ on the hill,
For guts and gore are not requir’d, (the ‘Boss’, of such a mess grows tired)
But the ‘poc-a-bhuidhe’ we’ll admit, to keep the game-dogs fighting-fit;
And in a bucket, bag or tray, place in the farthest fridge here, pray;
And so, the heart may also go - our chickens love it minced, you know!
The liver, in a diff’rent tray, should handled-be in sim’lar way.
Now, be your carcase big or small, let water on the floor FIRST fall
- Then easily the blood shall part, and keep this larder looking smart;
If summer’s warmth doth cause concern, please, of the following, pray learn:
Be not in haste with recent kill, to have it plac’d in frosty chill,
But rather clothe his corpse in net (preventing blow-flies him to get),
And later on, I’ll slide him throu’ where air is cool, and out of view,
And in this fashion, from your stuff, comes Venison relaxed, not tough;
When hanging carcases I’d point: remove the legs below the joint,
And on a gambrel I’ll provide, raise up to yonder hook to slide,
And should it be a weighty beast, pray ease your task wi’ ‘lectric hoist!
Feel free to wet the floor some more - from hose with lance doth water pour!
And ‘neath the corpse a pail do place, his final drips of blood to grace,
(With water in the bucket too, to later cleanse the blood from view);
A ‘spreader’, twixt its ribs do place, enhancing carcase-cooling-pace,
You’ll find one here quite close to hand, as in most larders throu’ the land,
And similarly, there’s a saw, to part the pelvis (or the jaw
- That’s if the trophy you’ll retain, as souvenir of beast new-slain).
To help the excess water clear, just lean upon the squeegee here,
And shortly, all remaining damp, shall in quick-time from here decamp,
- When’t’s pristine once again you see, the larder’s Keeper sweet shall be!
And finally, once your task’s complete, to keep your good-self smelling sweet,
To hand-wash basin, please repair, there’s soap, and warmer water there,
And in dispenser, quite nearby, there’s paper towels, your hands to dry,
And rest contented, clean and fresh, with carcase hanging in its mesh,
And looking here, upon your work, (quite easily entailed) you’ll smirk:
– With water, time & common sense, it’s easy not to cause offence,
And keep this larder looking trim - without recourse to brush and ‘Vim’!
Thank you!
(Poc- a-bhuidhe: gaelic, the yellow bag, or main stomach of the deer, traditionally kept for the deer hounds in days gone by)
