A Christmas Day Guide.

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basil

basil

Distinguished Member
JUST REMEMBER MUMMYS AND DADDYS
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Christmas Dinner....
I have concluded that the inevitable stress of Christmas dinner is created by adverts and supermarkets....
It's a Sunday dinner for ****s sake. We do it quite happily 51 weeks of the year but can we the consumers be trusted to manage by ourselves on one day of the year, apparently not! ...
Here goes...
1. Turkey... It's a big fecking chicken that's all, 20 minutes per lb plus 20 minutes at 180 degrees - jobs a good un! Get yourselves a meat thermometer £3 off the Internet poke it in the offending bird if it says 75 degrees or over its cooked!
2. Stuffing - regardless of what Jamie Oliver says you do NOT need 2lbs of shoulder of pork, onions breadcrumbs,pine nuts and a **** load of fresh herbs to make stuffing.... What you need is Paxo and a kettle!! If you wanna liven it up squeeze 3 sausages out of their skins and mix that in with your Paxo before cooking
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.
3. Gravy - Jamie Oliver is copping for this one aswell....
Bisto Jamie.... All you need is Bisto!
4. Vegetables. Never mind faffing round shredding sprouts and frying them with bacon and chestnuts to make them more palatable, If you don't like them don't buy and cook the fecking things. If your family only eats frozen peas then that's good enough!
5. Roast potatoes. Yes I part boil mine then roast them in goose fat or whatever you want to use, but Aunt Bessie also does the same
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6. Trimmings,Christmas pudding Mincepies and the like, whatever shop you use or do what I do bake them yourself
7. Family. Children, Feed the little blighters first separately, if they only want turkey with tomato sauce fine leave em to it, it doesn't matter. Once they are fed bugger them off to play with their Christmas presents so that YOU can enjoy your dinner in Peace!
Adults. Anyone that can manage to get their sorry arse to your dinner table is also capable of helping to serve up/ sort the kids out/ clear the table /wash up /dry up etc.
And Finally.....
NO ONE, And I mean no one APART FROM THE COOK IS ALLOWED IN THE KITCHEN DURING THE COOKING STAGES washing dishes etc is a differant matter that’s up to volunteers
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One jar curry sauce, few chicken breast, chop chicken and fry off lightly, add sauce, bring up to a gentle simmer for 5 minutes, add lid and turn heat off.
It can sit there all day without a problem, when your hungry put a saucepan of water on for the rice and at the same time turn gentle heat on under the curry.
boil rice for ten minute, rice off with boiling water and stain it, chuck it all on a plate and then eat it, along with a narn bread or whatever you replay, wash down with plenty of alcohol. You may now fall asleep in front of the tV while whatever repeat you chose plays to it's self, job done. By the time the hangover fades christmas will just be a another bad memory.

Neil.
 
we are having fried eggs chips and beans..........No cards sent, 2 received, Presents for grandkids only.......No tree, No decorations.......up at 2.30am milking....bar humbug
 
cowsmart said:
we are having fried eggs chips and beans..........No cards sent, 2 received, Presents for grandkids only.......No tree, No decorations.......up at 2.30am milking....bar humbug
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Can I come to your house next Christmas? Sounds perfect to me.
 
+1 for basil, I love Christmas but I don't want it shoved down my throat 24/7 since September. dave.
 
basil said:
JUST REMEMBER MUMMYS AND DADDYS
1f602.png
1f602.png
1f602.png

Christmas Dinner....
I have concluded that the inevitable stress of Christmas dinner is created by adverts and supermarkets....
It's a Sunday dinner for ****s sake. We do it quite happily 51 weeks of the year but can we the consumers be trusted to manage by ourselves on one day of the year, apparently not! ...
Here goes...
1. Turkey... It's a big fecking chicken that's all, 20 minutes per lb plus 20 minutes at 180 degrees - jobs a good un! Get yourselves a meat thermometer £3 off the Internet poke it in the offending bird if it says 75 degrees or over its cooked!
2. Stuffing - regardless of what Jamie Oliver says you do NOT need 2lbs of shoulder of pork, onions breadcrumbs,pine nuts and a **** load of fresh herbs to make stuffing.... What you need is Paxo and a kettle!! If you wanna liven it up squeeze 3 sausages out of their skins and mix that in with your Paxo before cooking
1f609.png
.
3. Gravy - Jamie Oliver is copping for this one aswell....
Bisto Jamie.... All you need is Bisto!
4. Vegetables. Never mind faffing round shredding sprouts and frying them with bacon and chestnuts to make them more palatable, If you don't like them don't buy and cook the fecking things. If your family only eats frozen peas then that's good enough!
5. Roast potatoes. Yes I part boil mine then roast them in goose fat or whatever you want to use, but Aunt Bessie also does the same
1f609.png
.
6. Trimmings,Christmas pudding Mincepies and the like, whatever shop you use or do what I do bake them yourself
7. Family. Children, Feed the little blighters first separately, if they only want turkey with tomato sauce fine leave em to it, it doesn't matter. Once they are fed bugger them off to play with their Christmas presents so that YOU can enjoy your dinner in Peace!
Adults. Anyone that can manage to get their sorry arse to your dinner table is also capable of helping to serve up/ sort the kids out/ clear the table /wash up /dry up etc.
And Finally.....
NO ONE, And I mean no one APART FROM THE COOK IS ALLOWED IN THE KITCHEN DURING THE COOKING STAGES washing dishes etc is a differant matter that’s up to volunteers
1f602.png
Click to expand...

No 7 - don't feed em first - cook em first - then you don't need the turkey - I find they crisp up quite nicely in a hot oven
 
What ever time I'm woken up by an excited 7 year old while she's opening presents I'll start by opening the alcoholic anaesthetic. By the time I've done Christmas dinner should be well merry
 
Thank you basil. I've already told the Mrs that if she interferes with the cooking i will get all Gordon Ramsey on her. Have just read her your guide and highlighted the NO ONE BUT NO ONE TO INTERFERE WITH COOKING
 
Basil,

You are a star, exactly just like a normal Sunday roast, except I will cook 5 sprouts. No wife or partner to deal with so will be sole cook, thank goodness for a Bosch dishwasher, can't drink as will have to deliver kids back to their mother in the evening.

D
 
Turned out well kids loved the turkey, last minute panic to microwave 5 sprouts but they turned out perfect, they ate most of it and x mas pud still to be heated up. They are back with their mum so house now a semblance of tidy and log burner running.

D
 
I do a "Meals on Wheels" Christmas dinner each year, as Mum still wants to have it at home. Despite being 87 she doesn't think it right to do otherwise, so I cook everything, then drive four miles to her place with everything packed in heat proof containers.
Added complication is my sister being a veggie, so I have to knock up something with nuts & stuff too, plus she was an hour late driving up from London due to the rain & flooding.
Ah well; prezzies given & received, home now, Mum's happy & I've a pint of IPA sat in front of me.
 
Odders said:
I do a "Meals on Wheels" Christmas dinner each year, as Mum still wants to have it at home. Despite being 87 she doesn't think it right to do otherwise, so I cook everything, then drive four miles to her place with everything packed in heat proof containers.
Added complication is my sister being a veggie, so I have to knock up something with nuts & stuff too, plus she was an hour late driving up from London due to the rain & flooding.
Ah well; prezzies given & received, home now, Mum's happy & I've a pint of IPA sat in front of me.
Click to expand...

Hi.
I do something similar with an old lad I used to work with. Lives on his own and no family. Will not come to my house for his dinner but appreciates me dropping a plateful in along with trifle and a case of beer.
 
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