Foxyboy43
Well-Known Member
Soooo as reported earlier - totally crocked with a dodgy flipper and just how much Premium Youtube can an oul fella watch?
In what could only be described as atotally stupid lightbulb moment I remembered the 4 buck heads from my Perthshire trip in May that were ready to cut and mount and beckoning seductively but obviously not in a sexual way chaps, for goodness sake, from the far too far nearby garage. In what could only be described as a passable impression of a demented and very drunk octopus, your humble author, with legs and crutches akimbo (no - I don’t know what it means either) set off from the conservatory base camp, clutching the necessary accoutrements between what is left of the molars. Some time later I made it to the garage and to my delight found that my bleaching efforts had worked really well, boy was this gonna be good, gosh it might even take my mind off the utter pain that only gout sufferers will know (and women bang on about labour pain- huh?). Well then, the return to base camp proved a tad more of a boll** challenging - have you ever tried carrying four roebuck heads on crutches (me not the roebucks) and with 50% of your undercarriage (for clarity - legs not testes) retracted? I was reminded of Crackerjack (CRACKERJACK!) sooo many years ago when the highlight of the show was watching children trying to hold oodles of goodies and if they dropped anything they had to also hold a cabbage per item dropped. Wot fun. Had it been me there would have been a UK wide shortage of the bloody things, but I digress…. By now very much under near full control (think of utter chaos) and just short of my goal, one of the beloved heads slipped from my already aching fingers (try using crutches - you will then know what I mean) and with a stunningly fast deft flick of my good foot I managed to step right on it! For those of you old enough - think of Buster Keaton. Fortunately the drop had caused no damage which sadly is more than can be said for the coup-de-grace of a three-legged fourteen stoner stepping on it. Now think this through chaps - one good leg, the other agonisingly painful and airborne, two bastar crutches and 4 bucks heads in hands (already sore from the crutches) many of said components were determined to go in different directions at the same time.
Long story short(ish) - the offending head had cracked and snapped off the rhs cheekbone down to the nasal bone thereby giving the whole an unusual but strangely attractive lop-sidedness in a sort of Gerard Depadieu-esque way.
Soooo, once the sobbing and throbbing had stopped I gathered myself up and undaunted thought - Superglue! Well can you guess where the said adhesive was children? Why of course - only in FB’s very own man cave at the top of a shiny mahogany staircase.Embarrassment Modesty prevents further description of the ascent of the north face of said stairs but boy, do skinned elbows sting or what? Upon returning to earlier scene of carnage and with my finally honed stalker’s eye I immediately noticed two things were noticeably absent from basecamp. One was my elderly Labrador and two was the sodding trampled head. Well then, in a very passable impression of a combined three-legged/sack/ egg and spoon race I eventually found the old bast*** girl resplendent in the lounge with missing head only a few feet away and her wearing a kind of “gosh however did that get there” face. Sooo - did you know that labs like crunching roe buck cheekbones? I certainly didn’t, but boy I really know now!
So dear friends, after a necessarily long digression, can someone answer my question, please - soon?
In what could only be described as a
Long story short(ish) - the offending head had cracked and snapped off the rhs cheekbone down to the nasal bone thereby giving the whole an unusual but strangely attractive lop-sidedness in a sort of Gerard Depadieu-esque way.
Soooo, once the sobbing and throbbing had stopped I gathered myself up and undaunted thought - Superglue! Well can you guess where the said adhesive was children? Why of course - only in FB’s very own man cave at the top of a shiny mahogany staircase.
So dear friends, after a necessarily long digression, can someone answer my question, please - soon?
