Countryside / local rural sayings?

[rigboot]

Had an apprentice who was nicknamed "The Humper" & he was described as having

"..A c@ck like a fighting dogs ear .." through useage

 

[WAYNE DAVIES]

Not really a saying but one of my farming customers once told his new neighbour after a small dispute "why don't you fu*k off back to the town you green wellied bas*ard" Made me chuckle.

 

[fangler]

A saying amount my mates as an adaptation of 'if a jobs worth doing..etc' is:
'there's no point in sh!tt!ng next to the toilet'.
Another one used for an anti climax is:
'it's/it was all fart and no sh!t!'

 

[nell]

Shaking like a dog shxting snow balls..
About as straight as a blackies back leg..... Blackie being a Scottish blackfaced sheep..
A man with no morals would Shxg a slaters nail bag

 

[Pheasant Feeder]

As an apprentice an old boy we worked with used to say to anyone who broke something; "you'd F**k a new C**t"

An Irish guy if you pulled him up on his work used to say "you'll not see it from our house"

 

[Robin]

When my father was making something in the workshop and I would ask what it was, his reply was always the same,
" it's a wim wom for a wowser which helps to grind smoke " and of course that explained everything.

When referring to sex he always said that " it would pull you further than gunpowder will blow you "

How right he was

 

[murtdono]

clumsey= he's as award as a fish on a bicycle

 

[murtdono]

not very handy = he has hands like feet

 

[Bertie Dastard]

A few from my grannies vocabulary.

If someone farted. They stank like a Fummit.
someone bending over. Had their arse stuck in the air like Bob Luckston.

Her usual threat to me was.. "Stop bugger arsing around or I will stick my foot up your arse to the fifth lace hole".

 

[Dalua]

Not rustic, but middle-class suburban:
The ultimate expression of puzzled surprise used by a now somewhat vintage acquaintance is
'Well, screw me for a chocolate pig!'

 

[Irish Bob]

Looking at the rear of a well built girl an older friend commented "I'd like to see that between a pair if barrow shafts", ie pushing a barrow round his yard.

He also opined that a somewhat stuck up and difficult woman (she did not agree with or defer to him) needed "a good tomin'".

 

[stalkinginengland]

Last week I heard. As much use as Anna Franks drum kit.

My favorite one that I think is so true my late Nana said about my mum. "Once a woman twice a child"

 

[stalkinginengland]

About a Field trialing friend who was doing well. If he fell in a bucket of thumbs he would come out sucking a tit.

Black sky at night ...........night
Black sky in the morning........woke up in the night.

 

[stalkinginengland]

A well built girl in a very low top. If your going to drown them puppies can I have the one with the brown nose?

 

[Taff]

a Aussie once said to me when he was hungry, "I could suck the crutch out of a low flyin duck" and a well known terrier man used to say the morning after a night on the lash " I,ve got a throat like a badgers armpit"
​

 

[gerarddwatts]

Wester Ross.....'I woke with a hard-on that would choke a horse'

​Ayrshire.........' a hard-on that a collie dug wouldn't mark with his teeth...'

 

[Moonraker68]

When I used to beat on a partridge shoot, I'd hear the boss say to the keeper over the radio 'tell that man (the flanker) to get a light infantry pace on'
On pheasant drives, we'd be told by the keeper to 'walk like you're going to a funeral'.

 

[topshot61]

as my father used to tell me ( listen here now don,t tell your father how to ****) another is don,t put your cock where i wouldn,t put my walking stick

 

[roedeerred]

that looks like a dangerous thing to do (employeeto boss)
you do it "nowts never in Danger" (boses reply)

 

[roedeerred]

when natural gas pipe was laid in north yorks countryman says to engineer " how dos thee know it weant wifflesnake clear out of grund whit pressure"