MAH
Well-Known Member
I had a similar situation, not alcohol, but age related self neglect. It came to a point when I had to call my Doctor and explained the situation to him.
The lady (in her late 80s) was taken into care shortly afterwards.
M
Alcoholic neighbour advice
- Thread starter charlieboy-shooter
- Start date
The lady (in her late 80s) was taken into care shortly afterwards.
M
Bavarianbrit
Well-Known Member
I lived 2.5 years with a secret alcoholic partner (she was one before I met her) in my late 20"s, she would not ask for help because she did not recognise she needed any help. When I discovered the problem I came back from working in Germany, took a job in Basildon near to her parents with whom we lived till it became impossible there then moved into a local caravan site. I tried everything to slow her drinking down but nothing changed her, then eventually I left. I still have guilt about that decision now at 70 y/o. Perhaps the only solution is sectioning or a desert island who knows?
Stalker62
Well-Known Member
A totally understandable reaction to have in these dreadful circumstances.
This is normal; the "guilt" felt by those left behind. It is the unintended consequence emanating from the actions of others.
Be kind to yourself. You did your best and you did what was right at the time. You have nothing to feel guilty about.
Been down this road several times - most notably with my own father. He hit rock bottom, realised the destruction he had wrought in his and our lives, sat down on Christmas Eve, downed a bottle of whisky and put a bullet through his head.
My conclusion is that there is nothing you can do beyond stating that if and when they decide they need help, you are there.
Walk away.
My conclusion is that there is nothing you can do beyond stating that if and when they decide they need help, you are there.
Walk away.
I don’t know how involved you are with this man and his problem but I applaud your efforts to help him. But remember that your first responsibility is to yourself. You have attempted to source help on his behalf and no doubt have in the past offered your support to him. Simply put, you’ve done what you can. Beware of being dragged into his downward spiral and it affecting you too much.
Stalker62
Well-Known Member
Terrible thing for any family to have gone through Mungo.
When I see someone in trouble, my instinct to to help them rather than, like some people, take advantage of their situation, but the best way to get egg on your face is try to help someone. I'm just a sucker, perhaps!
shakey jake
Well-Known Member
sounds like my dad, gave up with him a couple of years ago, siblings still try but all he wants is to get smashed. some how he holds down a job but only a matter of time before he gets caught drink driving. i havent got an answer for you mate,you have tried but if they want to self destruct they will
Utectok
Well-Known Member
The sad fact is alcohol is a killer and I think most alcoholics die from it. Maybe one in 10 seek help and fewer pull through. I quit drinking 20 years ago never looked back but I’m one of the lucky ones.
charlieboy-shooter
Well-Known Member
Sadly the advice from the lady I spoke to at AA stated just that. Most people are beyond help and very few pull through.
Glad to hear you wasn't one of them. Good for you.
I. Farticus
Well-Known Member
My late Mother-in-Law died an alcoholic 15 years ago and it was the saddest thing I've ever had to witness. Watching old family videos, she had been a beautiful, vibrant woman, full of life and laughter, with a wicked sense of humour. I never go to see that side of her, as she was heading toward the inevitable at speed, and I only knew her a couple of years.
We did everything that we could, but she didn't ask for help until 48 hours before she died, at which point it was far too late. Even having to go sober for a couple of weeks in hospital having a stent fitted, and feeling better then she had in years didn't put her off once back.
The resources were all there, waiting for that cry out, but as I say, it came too late.
Walking into the local Police station to ask them to take her licence was one of the lowest points in my life, even though it was the right thing. She was stopped 100yds from home the following morning, and breathalysed at 10:00. Blowing 134 back at the station meant that she couldn't be interviewed until 16:00, and it went badly downhill from there. In court she was told to expect a custodial sentence, and in some ways it was fortunate that she died 3 days before the hearing as that would've broken my wife.
When we cleared the house, I took 180 spirits bottles to the recycling in 2 trips. The places that she hid bottles was extraordinary, although the oven clearly wasn't the smartest!
When George Best died, Dennis Law wrote an open letter to the British press. I can't find it, but it was along the lines of: if he'd had cancer, would you have been so awful? Alcoholism is a mental illness, and he's not doing it on purpose, but just can't find another way to deal with life...
Knowing the signs, we have a few girlfriends that we are worried about, but how do you start that conversation without getting a slap? Well, I have and it wasn't comfortable, but I'm glad that I did.
Lockdown is going to create a generation of folk that are more alcohol dependent than they would have otherwise been, and with home deliveries, it's a lot easier to hide the amount coming into the house. We even tried to stop the local supermarkets serving her, but that was equitable with nailing jelly to a ceiling.
We all laugh about a generation of kids having been home schooled by alcoholics, but the reality isn't far off in some homes.
F*ck me, it's not a subject that can be dealt with in a light hearted manner, and I need to wipe my eyes and blow my nose
To the OP - you're doing everything that you can. Well done, and keep it up...
To everyone else - keep your eyes open and #staysafe
We did everything that we could, but she didn't ask for help until 48 hours before she died, at which point it was far too late. Even having to go sober for a couple of weeks in hospital having a stent fitted, and feeling better then she had in years didn't put her off once back.
The resources were all there, waiting for that cry out, but as I say, it came too late.
Walking into the local Police station to ask them to take her licence was one of the lowest points in my life, even though it was the right thing. She was stopped 100yds from home the following morning, and breathalysed at 10:00. Blowing 134 back at the station meant that she couldn't be interviewed until 16:00, and it went badly downhill from there. In court she was told to expect a custodial sentence, and in some ways it was fortunate that she died 3 days before the hearing as that would've broken my wife.
When we cleared the house, I took 180 spirits bottles to the recycling in 2 trips. The places that she hid bottles was extraordinary, although the oven clearly wasn't the smartest!
When George Best died, Dennis Law wrote an open letter to the British press. I can't find it, but it was along the lines of: if he'd had cancer, would you have been so awful? Alcoholism is a mental illness, and he's not doing it on purpose, but just can't find another way to deal with life...
Knowing the signs, we have a few girlfriends that we are worried about, but how do you start that conversation without getting a slap? Well, I have and it wasn't comfortable, but I'm glad that I did.
Lockdown is going to create a generation of folk that are more alcohol dependent than they would have otherwise been, and with home deliveries, it's a lot easier to hide the amount coming into the house. We even tried to stop the local supermarkets serving her, but that was equitable with nailing jelly to a ceiling.
We all laugh about a generation of kids having been home schooled by alcoholics, but the reality isn't far off in some homes.
F*ck me, it's not a subject that can be dealt with in a light hearted manner, and I need to wipe my eyes and blow my nose
To the OP - you're doing everything that you can. Well done, and keep it up...
To everyone else - keep your eyes open and #staysafe
Crowstalker
Well-Known Member
Very sad situation, but your doing all you can and that's a lot more than some people would do so good on you. The reality is people that are dependent on any drug or alcohol can only really help themselves. There is plenty of help out there bit they must be willing to seek that and change. I watched somebody I worked with go from healthy and happy having their own business etc to a total alcoholic trying to kill themselves walking in the middle of the road. Very sad I tried to get somebody who dealt with this kind of thing to help them but at the end she passed away. There is only so much you can do at least you will know in your own heart that you did you best.
If you couldn't get in touch with him for a while I would contact the police and explain they will take it from there and get medical help if necessary. That's all you can do I'm afraid.
If you couldn't get in touch with him for a while I would contact the police and explain they will take it from there and get medical help if necessary. That's all you can do I'm afraid.
CarlW
Well-Known Member
Namman
Well-Known Member
I had an alcoholic wife for seven years until I left her and took 3 daughters with me. The anguish my family went through for those years was unbelievable. As others have posted, you just cannot help them, they are on a course to self destruction. However I had to put my children first and the decision still haunts me with guilt. She died one year after the divorce, in hospital with me at her side.
norma 308
Well-Known Member
I have no advice for you and have dealt or had dealings with family And friends that were dependent on substances In my time . But if the world was full of people like you it would be a better place . We hear so often about being kind and we should be kinder especially in the last 12 months but very few people truly are your an exception!
norma
norma
Crowstalker
Well-Known Member
Very sad! It's sad to see people who know and love go down like this.
alberta boy
Well-Known Member
I'm currently going through a similiar situation with one of my oldest friends at the moment . Alcohol has cost him his job , family and home , but he still drinks . He's been hospitalised on at least three occasions , it may be more , but he tends to hide the truth habitually now . He is one of my oldest friends and I'll always try to help him in any way I can , but I've come to accept the fact that he's chosen to eventually kill himself with booze . It's heart breaking , but I can't change that , only he can . It's a difficult thing dealing with alcoholics brother . You can stay and help , which usually ends badly , or walk away . You've chosen to stay , which is admirable , but it is a hard and painful thing to do .
Good Luck AB
Good Luck AB
paul o'
Well-Known Member
Can't under stand why no one has said inform your FLO !
You have one of the worst journeys ahead of you and your going to be the bad man in this be it getting him passed it vie cold turky or a wet nurse role, both will end up with you being battered feller . keep in mind you also have a life and if you have a family they must come first on all counts , sadly the system will let you become the shoulder and the prop he needs and your get no thanks from them what ever the outcome . I hope he can come around from it , as so many don't and the happy to help folks are the ones end up for the worst and if they are not strong of mind it can ruin them . Seek pro help first ahead of time if you start to feel you have failed him should your way not work.
Good luck wish him well and above all I applard you stepping up to help the chap out.
You have one of the worst journeys ahead of you and your going to be the bad man in this be it getting him passed it vie cold turky or a wet nurse role, both will end up with you being battered feller . keep in mind you also have a life and if you have a family they must come first on all counts , sadly the system will let you become the shoulder and the prop he needs and your get no thanks from them what ever the outcome . I hope he can come around from it , as so many don't and the happy to help folks are the ones end up for the worst and if they are not strong of mind it can ruin them . Seek pro help first ahead of time if you start to feel you have failed him should your way not work.
Good luck wish him well and above all I applard you stepping up to help the chap out.
